警惕拖累症!

什么是拖累症?

co·de·pen·dent adj.
Mutually dependent.
Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling.
n.
One who is co-dependent or in a co-dependent relationship.

what is codependency?

Codependency: Codependence (or codependency) is a psychological condition in which someone exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people’s struggles.

Codependents may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with this person’s struggle. A classic example would be a wife making excuses for a husband’s excessive drinking and perhaps running interference for him by doing things such as calling in sick for him when he is hung over. Such behaviors, which may well lessen conflict and ease tension within the family in the short term, are counterproductive in the long term, since, in this case, the wife is actually supporting (“enabling”) the husband’s drinking behavior. Codependence can also be a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress caused, for example, by a family member’s alcoholism or other addiction, sexual or other abuse within the family, a family members’ chronic illness, or forces external to the family, such as poverty. As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. The codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires, they set themselves up for continued unfulfillment.

Symptoms of codependence are: controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, intimacy problems, caretaking behavior, hypervigilance or physical illness related to stress. Codependence is often accompanied by depression, as the codependent person succumbs to feelings of extreme frustration or sadness over his or her inability to make changes in the other person’s (or persons’) life.

Individuals who are suffering from codependence may seek assistance through various verbal therapies, sometimes accompanied by chemical therapy for accompanying depression. In addition, there exist support groups for codependency; probably among the best-known of these are Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) and Al-Anon/Alateen, both of which are based on the 12-Step model created by Alcoholics Anonymous.

Many books have been written on the subject of codependence, including the work of Melody Beattie, who has become one of the standard-bearers for the codependence self-help industry. She is also the author of Codependent No More among many other volumes. It should, however, be noted that not all mental health professionals are of the same mind about codependency or its standard methods of treatment. Katz & Liu, in “The Codependency Conspiracy: How to Break the Recovery Habit and Take Charge of Your Life” state that codependence is over-diagnosed, and that many people who could be helped with shorter-term treatments instead become dependent on long-term self-help programs.

从广义上讲,拖累症可被定义为“对人,行为或事物的沉溺”。拖累症是指通过控制外在的人,事或物来控制内在的情感。对拖累症患者而言,“控制”或者“失控”是他们生活的全部重心。

当一个拖累症患者的沉溺对象是另一个人时,他们之间就形成一种复杂的相互依赖关系。拖累症患者会因为太受另一个人的羁绊,以至于他的自我,个人价值--严重地受到钳制,甚至可能因为他人的个性和问题,而把自我完全抹杀了。

如果你。。。。

-想替别人扛起责任--包括别人的感觉,想法,行动,选择,需求,幸福以及人生目标。
-当别人有问题时,会莫名其妙地感到焦虑与负疚。
-当别人遇到问题时,会有一股难耐的冲动,连珠炮似的向人家提供一些建议或给一些自以为是的安慰。
-当你提供的帮助或者建议不被采纳时,怒气横生。
-设想别人需要你,当你的付出得不到回报时,怒气丛生。
-为了取悦别人而作践自己。
-只有在“给予”时,心中才觉得舒坦。
-受到别人的恩惠时,充满负疚与不安。
-常会寻觅需要你的人,在他们那里,你才觉得自己有价值。

那么,你,就是患上了“拖累症”!

拖累症很难治疗,而且相当流行。但必须狠下心来,识别它,正视它,克服它。

毕竟,爱是一种自由的选择,而不是强迫的义务! 

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